Drastic times call for drastic measures

Even the most mundane activities are designed to be exciting for children. I took Audrey to get her hair cut earlier this week at the adorable kids' salon that we frequent. She had her choice of a chair that resembled a fire truck or a chair that resembled an airplane. She chose the chair that resembled an airplane, which she has also chosen on all of her previous visits. She boarded her plane and loved every minute of her haircut.

I chatted with her about the propeller and asked her where she was going as she turned the steering wheel and honked the horn. I’m not sure if planes typically have horns, but this plane was expertly designed to keep a child still while scissors are placed near their head. I absolutely despise flying and felt a bit like a fraud as I discussed how much fun flying is with Audrey.

Since riding in a plane made a haircut more enjoyable for Audrey, I wonder if the reverse might be true for me. The minute a plane starts to taxi on the runway, I fret about the fact that the majority of plane crashes occur during takeoff and landing. I focus on breathing normally so that neighboring passengers don’t offer the barf bag to control my hyperventilation. Once, I was on an extremely turbulent flight and I actually clawed the man’s head in the seat in front of me. I reached out to grab the seat-back and his scalp just happened to be within my panicky grasp.

The best part of any haircut is getting shampooed. As long as my shampoo fits in a 3.4 ounce bottle, security will not be a problem. It might be difficult to convince the airline staff to allow a shampooing to occur during takeoff, but the fact that stylists wield scissors might persuade them. At the very least, when our flight tumbles out of the sky in a ball of flames, I will have the Grandma-approved “clean underwear in case you get in an accident” AND clean hair.