Children and chocolate are never a good combination. The tiniest morsel of chocolate somehow ends up covering their entire body every time. Once they are covered in chocolate it becomes a negotiation comparable to a hostage crisis where I am trying to incur the least amount of collateral damage.
I have to approach the gunman (child covered in chocolate) very slowly so they do not become spooked. “Please just keep your hands up in the air and don’t move!”
Once I get close enough to wipe them off, I have to use delaying tactics and make counter-offers. “If you run, things will just be more difficult. Let’s just stand here and think about our options. I can wipe your hands and then you will get a surprise.”
Reassuring the chocolate kid that things will work out peacefully with cooperation of all parties is essential. “If you let Mommy wipe your hands, then you will not get in trouble for the chocolate hand-prints that are already in the kitchen and bathroom.”
Sadly, as a negotiator, things do not always go as planned. The chocolate kid grows tired of all of the talking and bolts across the room, rubbing her hands across couch cushions and walls like a spray of bullets into innocent bystanders. This demonstrates the fact that negotiating with tiny terrorists is a risky policy that usually does not end well.